A petition against the world turning 28

Dear leaders of the world, higher power, god, Beyonce,

I write to you asking for something fairly straightforward. I think we should ban the idea of turning 28.

It could be similar to the thing that large skyscrapers do- skip the 13th floor altogether on the lift because of bad luck.

28, like the age of 23, is absolutely exasperating.

23 at least serves a purpose- of remembering it as possibly one of the worst years to go through, especially if you are living by yourself. The illusion of youth and education are gone by 23. Your friends move. You move. You’re spending a lot more money than you earn. Especially on rent. When you wonder if you have enough money to buy an egg dosai for the night, you know that 23 has done its job. It’s also the year when you realise that your college boyfriend doesn’t cut it and you, well, move on. Important.

What is 28’s job? It’s like the year has no real purpose except for somewhat nudging you towards understanding that 30 is round the corner because being 29 is well, akin to being 30.

It feels like entering the year of the digestive biscuit. Everything is bland but I have no choice to eat it fully because I’ve already taken a bite.

Some friends are having babies, others are single. Some are really and truly craving marriage on paper, some others are in reluctant situationships. Special mention also to the ones who are divorced and in poly-things. I don’t know what I’m doing here but it feels like all of us are lonely. I don’t see this changing.

It mostly feels like shit because I’m really not ready to be this old. When I was a child, the oldest person I thought I knew was my father. He seemed like the most put-together person. I also knew that he was 28 when he married. By 30, he had a kid, ran a house, had a wife and went on trips. In my head, the oldest he ever grew was 30. How can I nearly be as old as my father once was?

While I am married now and do enjoy going on trips, it feels Truman show-like. Who the fuck allowed me to make these decisions? Why am I not being reprimanded for not doing my homework?

What happened to the glory days of my college youth? Of sneaking out, drinking afternoon beer, not studying but getting perfect scores and acting like the world owes me for being alive.

Also, why is it that other 28 year olds I know have suddenly become deeply boring? Why does everyone enjoy tea now? Why are the women around me taking an interest in sewing? It makes me want to cry.

I feel particularly peeved by the thought of turning 28 this year because I’m doing so in the year 2023. The year’s numbers feel off and wonky. (Why allow a year to end in a 3 or a 9. Just seems wrong).

My complaints to Vasanth seem invalid. He is annoyed about the idea of this petition. “28 isn’t too old. I’m 38!” he says with a genuine exclamation in his voice. I don’t think 28 is too old too. I don’t think it’s too anything.

It’s not too old. It certainly isn’t too young. It’s not too fun or too plain. It’s not too chess-in-the-park. It’s not too let’s-go-and-take-our-tops-off-at-the-club.

It’s trying to grow a plant from the seed and overwatering it, it’s swallowing a button accidentally, it’s falling ill and suddenly finding out that there is such a thing called knee pain. It is realising that friends you thought who were really old are just 30-somethings. It’s cooking and reheating leftovers. It’s trying hard everyday to find a hobby. It’s trying to journal and thinking ‘what the fuck do I have to write in this shitty notebook’. It’s thinking ‘this is going to be my year’ and knowing that it’s probably not. It’s knowing that the year will be mediocre at best and being okay with it.

It’s nothing.

Please ban. Thanks.